middle school boys suck

I talked to my mom today and she was full of hometown gossip. Apparently one of the guys I grew up with is engaged. Normally I would just roll my eyes and bitch about it. But this guy is different. He single-handedly scarred me for life. I can blame two guys for my destructive relationship behavior. This is one of them. He was a spoiled brat and a huge jerk. Even in elementary school. But we went to the same school, pool, our parents were friends, etc... When we were in 7th grade, we were hanging out at the pool and he looked me dead in the eyes with a strait face, and said "No one will ever love you because you're fat." If that doesnt hurt a middle school aged girl, I dont know what does. I'm not fat now, and I wasn't fat then. But I can still hear his voice and every time I'm rejected by a boy, I think it's because of my weight. I was very insecure in my younger years. I'm a lot over that now, but that moment is one I will never forget. And when I heard he was engaged, I just thought "Poor girl. I hope she knows what she's getting into."

This is what we talk about on a regular basis....

So tonight M and i were having a talk on the ever popular gchat. And i thought it would only be appropriate to show you a little glimpse of who we are.

M: i dont mind having sex with him but i'm still on the fence about pretending to like the other stuff

R: at least it isnt huge

M: yeah i hope it's not teeny though

R: to be honest... smaller is WAY better for the blow job i mean ... if it was only like an inch.. that would be a BREEZE like a lifesaver candy or something but i think G- is average.. to be honest i give him 5.5 " which by the way... at the risk of sounding creepy.. you have to tell me a size estimate when you get back

M: hahahah i will try to give a size estimate i think he'll be average. not super small. but smallER. i just dont know how to handle it

R: ha hahaha... you will be fine, L always says, sex is like pizza... even when its bad, its still good

M: but girls dont have to be "good" i dont think

R: we dont... i talked to w and he was like... lay there you will be fine - we dont expect a porn star hah hahaa.. in fact 2 guys were talking about this last night they were like.... everytime you get a new piece of pussy it is the best because it is new

M: weird and gross at the same time

R: and you are just so happy they wanted to sleep with you and you re having sex... i think its really strange

M: so guys just want to have sex with you and hopefully you feel something too?

R: but it validates that we can be terrible... and we are by default fine... they were like.... to be honest.. we really are just so happy you let us have sex with you - isnt that sad?!?!?!

M: that's so sad... guys are pathetic... is that why the really pathetic ones keep girlfriends?

R: probably... no! there was an ugly kid in our class and he broke up with his girlfriend and he was like... she was so dumb, so we asked why he dated her... and he was like...."i liked having sex" sooo.... yeah

M: so they date girls to keep having sex if they think they cant get it elsewhere or dont want to put effort into finding it

R: with the most attactive women they think they can get .... which is why i am only going to date men over 30

M: hahahahhahaha

R: i need to have the young card to up my hotness with my age

M: you are the best they can get

R: exactly! because i am young enough to just be hot by being younger than all their friends girls ha haha so they will be like... she may have a big ass.. but it's higher than my friend's girlfriend

strategy and it will be true FOREVER

M: i like where your head is

R: im a thinker im telling you... the older you can stand them.... the better

M: it's just hard to get to know the older ones well enough to like them....i'm still not physically old enough yet hahahhaha i mean i'm still not physically attracted to the older ones yet

And that is why we dont get a second date.... i mean really though... i think all of that is completely valid logic!!! Thoughts? Are we anywhere on target??

Why i dont date: part one

I am usually incredibly happy being single. I enjoy my life, i work hard and i have a lot of fun.
But every once in a while i question myself and my singledom. The last time this happened i took some advice from my relationship loving friends. this was a terrible idea. They told me i had to start dating more. The next time someone asked me out just go. What is the harm? Well i found out. I was checking my mail at my apartment complex when a guy asked me if i could help him with some directions... the whole im new in town. So we start chatting and and eventually he asks for my number/ asks me out. While my gut was telling me... he's not your type, my friends advice ringing in my ear i agreed. First bad move... going out with someone who lives 4 doors down. So i went to dinner. He was polite, friendly, and paid for my meal. But there was no chemistry.
So he dropped me off, we awkward hugged and that was it.
Now the next part is my fault completely. Instead of being mature and telling him i did not want to go out with him again, i thought i would avoid. So he calls and calls and calls... i sent a couple of texts saying i was busy and hoped he would get the picture...
Well about 2 weeks after our ONE DATE... he calls and leaves a voice mail all angry saying "i thought we had a good time, i guess i was wrong" and hangs up.
Then i run into him at the mailbox and he glares and runs away. Seriously! WTF... its not like a broke off an engagement. One date. It didnt work out and now i have to sneak out my door everytime i want to walk to my car.
And that.... is why i dont date.

-R

Diamonds = Romance?

The latest in a long list of things I don't like - diamond commercials. All of them are centered around romantic love. Are they implying that because I am not in love with someone, I don't need/want/deserve diamonds? Moreover, all of the commercials involve a man giving a woman the diamond. I don't really see myself giving a man a diamond, but I might want to buy myself something pretty. Or what about parents buying something for their daughter? I can't remember a diamond advertisement that didn't involve the romance between a man and a woman.

Why don't they market the right hand ring? Plenty of successful women are single, but they (we) can still show some bling. A giant diamond does not have to mean that a man bought it for me because he loves me. I guess my answer to my question is that women know the value of a diamond and don't need an advertisement to tell them about it. at least i'll keep telling myself that when i want to vomit at another cheesy engagement ring commercial.

the ex engagement

I got a text message from R one afternoon that said "_____ just got engaged. I might jump off a bridge." _____ was R's high school love and she was convinced they were destined to be together. We all have one (or two or three) of those. And even when you haven't talked to that boy for several years and even when you know he's been dating someone seriously, it still feels like a knife to the heart when you hear the news.

A few months later, I was able to fully understand what she meant. One of my boyfriends (for lack of a better word) in college had gotten engaged. And this one hurt even worse because he had cheated on me with the girl he was engaged to. He cheated on me with her IN FRONT OF me. While that incident did involve a lot of alcohol, it still happened and it was still painful.

Aside from the bitter jealousy that they found happiness before us, we are still left with the realization that we're old enough to be getting married. It's not weird anymore. We're not too young. In fact, it's kinda normal and expected to start getting engaged. So where does that leave us? With several bottles of wine.

Happy Holidays and Happy New Year!

Sorry it's been awhile since we've posted. The holiday season is pretty crazy and both of us are in school, therefore, we're both HOME for the holidays. which is pretty miserable. I had a sober Christmas (ahhhhh!!!) and am about to have a pretty lame new years. but on the upside, that means there's more drama to analyze when we get back to a regular routine. I hope everyone had a great holiday and will have a great new year. please post us any of your crazy new years stories!!! xoxo

The Brit: Part 2

So i mentioned the brit back in the beginning.
He was the out of town gentleman i was clicking with before i fell down a flight of stairs. So anyways.. i thought i would update that story... You would think that would be the end of it. He would go back to England and i would go back to my life. But this is my life.. so of course it can't be predictable.
We have entered into this weird online relationship where we talk frequently and flirt (thorugh emails?) and there are talks of visits. He wants to fly over there, and he has started talking about coming to see me within a coupe months. Is this normal?! Has anyone ever done this before? How does this work? Basically i need help!