Happy Holidays and Happy New Year!

Sorry it's been awhile since we've posted. The holiday season is pretty crazy and both of us are in school, therefore, we're both HOME for the holidays. which is pretty miserable. I had a sober Christmas (ahhhhh!!!) and am about to have a pretty lame new years. but on the upside, that means there's more drama to analyze when we get back to a regular routine. I hope everyone had a great holiday and will have a great new year. please post us any of your crazy new years stories!!! xoxo


The Brit: Part 2

So i mentioned the brit back in the beginning.
He was the out of town gentleman i was clicking with before i fell down a flight of stairs. So anyways.. i thought i would update that story... You would think that would be the end of it. He would go back to England and i would go back to my life. But this is my life.. so of course it can't be predictable.
We have entered into this weird online relationship where we talk frequently and flirt (thorugh emails?) and there are talks of visits. He wants to fly over there, and he has started talking about coming to see me within a coupe months. Is this normal?! Has anyone ever done this before? How does this work? Basically i need help!


The L Word

I think part of my singledom arises from my fear of intimacy and commitment. I usually don't know how I feel about someone until I've already screwed the relationship up. I'm terrified of the big L - love. In fact, I've never said "I love you" to a guy. I'm not a complete freak - I tell my friends and family I love them all the time. I just can't be that open and honest with a guy I'm in a relationship with. And it's kinda landed me in a pickle.

I dated a guy for awhile - we'll call him A. We never really established our relationship - again my commitment issues. But it was about as serious as I've ever gotten with a guy. I knew A in high school, but we didnt date until college. Now we live in different cities, but we still keep in touch and are good friends. When I was home for Thanksgiving, he came over and spent the holiday with my family. Then we went out. Then we hooked up. Then he said "I love you." and my response was "no you don't" It was kinda uncomfortable after that...


The Danza Slap

So you know how there are these kinky, disgusting sex moves that, for some reason, all guys know about it. A friend of mine once started telling me about all these "things you can do." Most of them were pretty funny and gross. But the one that intrigued me was the Danza Slap. The legend goes - or legend as I know it - is that Tony Danza used to do porn. And during his porn days his signature move was the danza slap. which involved tony danza slapping his dick across the girls face during/after (?) she gave him head. Another variation of this move is slapping the dick across the face while yelling "Who's the Boss?"

Well, hearing about this began my obsession with finding the Tony Danza porn. I spent countless hours searching the internet for Tony Danza porn, trying to decipher the myths from the truth from the just plain lies. All I found was one naked picture. Which my friend says was photoshopped. But I refuse to believe that. The Tony Danza porn exists and I will find it.


The Top 5 Creepiest Pick Up Lines!

Sometimes it's not about the men we're attracted to - it's about the men attracted to us. I take full responsibility for being a dumbass with men. But there are times when we've been hit on where we did absolutely nothing wrong. Here is a compilation of the top 5 worst pick-up lines used on us. All of these really did happen. We couldn't make up gold like this.
5. "If you come to Michigan with me, I'll buy all of your alcohol" That one made me wonder if i actually look like an alcoholic. "

4. "I like your breasts, you keep them up well!" - He was 40. Evidentally men think we love our breasts as much as they do.

3. "I've been watching you for a few days now." Now if that doesn't frighten you i dont know what would!!!!

2. "We should breed and form a master race" I just laughed and asked Why?!?! I guess i was his type!
1. ""Will you come to the bathroom with me so I can masturbate to your boobs?"- What would you do if i said yes?
What is the worst pickup line YOU'VE ever heard used!?


misty water colored memories

I brought up G, my long distance very complicated fake boyfriend, in an earlier post. I thought I would share with everyone the story of how we met. The first day of school of my freshman year of college, some of the girls in the dorm were invited to a party some guys were having that night. Obviously after 3 days of orientation bonding experiences I was already best friends with these girls, so I went to the party with them. And there was G. I was attracted to him immediately, even though he is kinda goofy looking. We started talking and he got my phone number. The next day I called my best friend from high school and told her I had met the man I was going to marry.

So a few days later, the first friday of the first week of classes, there's always a huge beginning of the year party. The freshman are always warned against going because you could get in trouble for being underage or worse - most freshman end up drinking too much and bad things happen. Obviously, my friends were all about the party. So G called me and we met up. And i was one of those freshman who didn't know my alcohol limits, so most of the night is pretty fuzzy. Until G kissed me. And then I puked on him. He was really sweet and took care of me, but I swore up and down that I was never going to see him ever again. So much for that theory, huh?


The Bouncer

So many times i have tried to make friends with bouncers. Often times they are hot... but more than that, it is sooo convenient! If it is a bar i frequent, having a bouncer friend is money! You can cut lines, skip out on covers and you have the perfect assistance for creepy men who wont leave you alone. All in all, its an ideal situation. But sometimes, its just not worth it. One such time, i was at one of our favorite bars with M and a bunch of our favorite guy friends. I was walking to the bathroom when i got pulled aside buy one of the bouncers. To give you a solid mental picture, this guy was AT LEAST 400 lbs. He was also bald, but i really cannot emphasize how overwhelming massive this man was. It amazed me that he was mobile. (and im not trying to be cruel... i really sympathize with weight issues!)
So the bouncer pulls me aside, and i wasnt sure what to expect. He then tells me he likes my toes (i had painted them earlier in the day.) He also details an elaborate story about how he works at a pedicure place and he needs before and after pictures. AND if i bring him a picture of my feet, he can let me in the bar for free. Now i am all about getting in places for free.... but this one was too much. I mean... im a naive person, but when a man wants a picture of your feet... that cant be good. right!?!?!?! So i smile and politely thank him and walk back over to my friends. My boys thought it was funny i had been talking to him and wanted to know is he was hitting on me or asked for my number... i could only say "oh it was so much more than that!"
In the end though... i decided my dignity was worth more than the $5 cover.... and i avoided that bar for a while.


Never Date a Man Who: Wears His Sunglasses at Night

You know the guy I'm talking about. The one who walks into the party with a bottle of Jack in one hand, shirttail half tucked in, and wearing aviators. This just screams douchebag. Look at me. I'm cool. I'm wearing my sunglasses inside and at night. I don't care about the conventional usage of sunglasses. I'm above the rules. I'm the life of the party; I drink a lot. I can bang any chick up in this crib. Newsflash: No you're not and No you can't. The guy who wears his sunglasses at night thinks that this somehow makes him look like he cares LESS, but it only makes us think you care too much. While I do want a guy who can keep up with my friends by shooting beers and throwing back shots (this is harder than you might think. my friends are all borderline alkies) but I don't want a guy who feels the need to be "that guy." In other words, I'm not going to date a giant douche.


You CANNOT out-awkward me: The tale of Bugeyes

So i am super lucky that my girl M. has been on top of of the blog. Life has been lame and crazy... but so i figure its time to write a really good story. It all started when i was casually dating this guy JR in college. He was tall and a red head... which is kind of relevant to the story. So he and i were out a bar one night with some friends when JR introduced me to an older friend of his. I no longer remember his name, but for certain unknown reasons, we started calling him "Bugeyes" (he maybe had slightly buggy eyes... but i honestly dont even think they were that bad). So Bugeyes was also a red head, and because he was a few years older, He was JR's fake ID! In other words, JR used one of bugeyes old ID's to get into bars. So bugeyes is real cool. He is funny and entertaining... but not particularly good looking. Fast forward a few weeks, (JR and i were no longer together) and my girl M and i are out for the evening. We were waiting in a ridiculously long line at this club, which neither of us actually liked, but it was the "hot" thursday night place, so we felt obligated. Well at some point we get the genius idea to go to OUR favorite bar (that is neither "cool" or "hot" on thursday nights.) We also decided to round up anyone who was close to us in line and convince them that the NEW hot spot was OUR bar.
You wouldnt think that would work.... but one cab ride later we arrive at best bar in town, and to our surpirse, not one, but FOUR men we had chatted with in the club line came!! So we are pretty impressed with ourselves and chatting up these men... then there was some danicng and flirting. At some point.... not sure when... these men became creepy. SUPER creepy. Trying to put there hands up our skirts, saying weird shit.... creepy. So we start looking for a way to ditch these losers, without having to leave the bar. (cause who wants to leave the bar early!)
So i spot bugeyes. And i think... he is cool.. i kind of know him... i will use him as my out! So we run up to him and his friend (who is actually super hot) and i re-introduce myself. I explained our current predicament, and he steps up to the plate, chatting and dancing with us until the losers get the picture and give up their quest to bang us. This is all going extremely well. M and the friend (whose last name was LOVE) are hitting it off.... and the friend is super hot! And i genuinely like bugeyes company... so when bugeyes suggests we walk to his apartment to... um... (smoke?!) M and i think this is an AWESOME idea. We get to the apartment and everything is going great... until i somehow get convinced to go to bugeyes bedroom.... (the details of this are quite fuzzy... but i had NO intention of doing anything!!!) So bugeyes starts trying to make out with me and is stabbing his pointy nasty little tongue in my mouth! I did not sign up for that!!! So i try to politely explain that i am NOT going to have sex with him..... and this is his response..
"What did you think we were going to do?! Fucking cuddle?!?!"
I was shocked. I mean usually guys arent happy with that situation, but generally they are polite! So in my stunned state, all i can mutter... was "i think i should go...." And his ever so gentlemanly reply "Yeah i fucking think so"
So i run out into the living room. signal wildly at M that we MUST leave. (and she was making out with hot LOVE on the couch!) And run out the door. At this point, M gathers up her things, and trys to digest what has happened... as as she steps out the door... bugeyes slams it in her fucking face!!!!
What an asshole!!! So now we are standing in the freezing rain in an apartment complex at 4 am and i have to search my phone for someone to give us a ride... so lame...
But it doesnt end there... because he is friends with JR he tries to spread rumors about me and what happened that night... i never did get the full story... but come on! Fast forward another couple weeks and M and i are out at another bar sitting and having a casual beer. We spot bugeyes from across the room and the shit head has the nerve to come talk to us! He approaches and asks whats up... to which i reply "so are you going to buy me a beer? i think you owe me one" and he responds "fuck no. I just wanted to come over and try to make it awkward."
M and I just laughed and i replied.... "oh please..... no one can out awkward us" and he frowned and turned away.
Thats what i thought bitch!


i'm scared of middle school aged girls

this is just too good to not share. i didnt watch American Idol this season, but this is effing hysterical. As crazy as I am, I don't think I'll ever understand what it means to be a true fan.

The Worst Day of My Life

B-O-B round 2: The Ultimate Wingman

So one Friday night, my roommates and I headed down to our favorite bar for some dancing and drinks. This bar is hands down the best bar EVER. We love it like it's one of our best friends. I've been to a lot of bars, and there's not another bar like this one anywhere. If I had to describe it, I would say that everyone sings along and dances to every song like it's the best song ever. And these are songs aren't your everyday songs - we're talking about Michael Bolton "How can we be lovers if we can't be friends?" or the "Copacabana" or you might even hear some Meatloaf. And every night is the best night ever. but i digress....

So we're at the bar. And I spot the hottest guy I've ever seen. He's got a few visible tattoos, his ears are pierced, he's just all around HOT. And all 7 of us agreed that he was hot. So you have to believe me if you can 7 girls with opposing tastes to agree on a guy. By default, I was the one who had to get him to go home with me. Everyone else was in a relationship or talking to someone they really cared about. My first mistake was that I waited around for HIM to talk to ME. after about an hour or so of waiting, I finally came up with a clever way of talking to him without seeming like I was hitting on him. Except that his response was "I'm glad you finally came up and said something. You've been staring at me all night."

But he kept talking to me and I introduced him to my friends - his name was Bob. Only R couldn't quite catch that, so he signed his name in sign language B-O-B. Needless to say, we only refer to him as B-O-B. Bob and his friend were in town for the football game. He told me he was in the military... yada yada yada... One by one my friends left to go home. One girl stayed with me so that Bob's friend would have someone to dance with. Eventually it was time to go and I thought B-O-B should go home with me. Except it wasnt until we were in the car that we realized our plan wasnt very thought out. My friend had a boyfriend that she wasnt about to cheat on. And the two men I had just brought home didn't live here, so the friend didnt have anywhere to go. So I brought him some pillows and blankets and he slept on our couch while his friend slept in my bed... That is how he became the ULTIMATE WINGMAN.

our story doesnt end here though. B-O-B was covered in tattoos with lots of piercings - including nipple rings. And the next morning when I went to the bathroom, R came bounding down the stairs, busts through the door to my room to a naked B-O-B sitting in bed. Noone knew I had brought him home. AND he wasnt there for the game with just his friend. He was with his parents. and his dad called him to see why they didnt go back to the hotel room that night. My girls thought it was a funny story. But my guy friends have never let me live down the fact that I hooked up with a guy with nipple rings - and brought home 2 men - and they keep telling me that B-O-B is not in the military - that I fell for a line and it worked.


weddings are not good for single people

maybe it's because i'm single and bitter instead single and happy for people who have found love, but i haven't had the best time at weddings in my young adult life. a little while back my archnemesis got married. we had been frenemies since age 3. we went to the same school, church, did the same activities. she even broke my nose during gymnastics class. she competed with me for everything and was voted "most likely to succeed" in our high school who's who. after graduating high school and moving on with our lives, i didn't think her wedding would be such a big deal. i mean, she ended up graduating from our state school with a teaching degree and i had to settle for my ivy league education. who's most likely to succeed now bitch? but there's something about love and marriage that every woman wants, no matter how independent she claimes to be.

since i'm in professional school and swamped with work every night, there wasn't exactly a guy i could ask to be my date. it would require a weekend at home with my parents and dealing with old high school scars that were resurfacing. that is not a situation you want to place a guy you're casually talking to in. to compensate for going alone to the wedding, i maxed out my credit card on a new dress and shoes. i also spent 2 hours getting ready for the wedding. i was determined to prove to everyone there that just because she was getting married, she did not "win" or "beat me." i was a successful, hot woman who didn't need a man to make her life complete. even though i really wanted one. that was just between me and my jimmy choos.

so during the reception i did what any self-respecting singleton does. i made my life sound amazingly fun and exciting. I was on top of the world. There were guys of course, but noone special enough to tie me down. (the truth was more that the last date i had been on was 3 months earlier and i'm pretty sure i scared the guy off) i also had a few too many glasses of wine. So wine + self-pity + alone = calling an ex-boyfriend. If there was anything I could take back in my life, it would probably be this. I called an ex-lover of mine because he was a guaranteed hook-up and it would make me feel better about myself that someone was still attracted to me. only it didnt make me feel better about myself. no i didn't come to any existential realizations about how i'm the only one in control of my feelings and emotions. i hooked up with him and THEN he told me he had a girlfriend. i was drunk so i kinda brushed it off, but then he pointed out that she was "the one." i felt like shit. he was intending on marrying this girl and didn't have a problem cheating on her. i didn't do anything wrong intentionally. am i supposed to facebook stalk everyone i drunk-dial to check their relationship status? but the moral of the story is the same. most men suck and it's worth waiting around for a good one. they're hard to find. oh and don't get drunk at weddings when you're especially vulnerable.


B-O-B round 1

My freshman year of college was when most of the ridiculously embarrassing i'm-inept-at-dating/sex/love stories started. I met a guy, Bob, at an underage club (hot right?) and he went to my college, so it seemed safe enough right? He kissed me at the bar, but it was the first week of college and I wasn't sure what you were supposed to do next. So I went home with my girls instead of the cute guy.

Flashfoward a few weeks and I ran into Bob at a party. This time I was better prepared for what happens when you're young, drunk, and attracted to someone. I went back to Bob's dorm room - after several drinks i might add. He add a top bunk and things started happening and ... i knocked him off the bed and he hit his head on the radiator. He was on the floor unconscious. I slapped his cheeks a few times, yelled his name. soooooooo I snuck out of the room and went home. But it gets worse, because it always does. Turns out Bob was the brother of one of my new college friends. Bob had gotten a slight concussion and never wanted to see me again.


Unlikely Celebrity Sex Symbols

In one of our many why-we-aren't-in-relationships conversations, R and I started talking about our childhood celebrity crushes. When I was growing up, most girls my age were into Prince William, Jonathan Taylor Thomas, New Kids on the Block, Zack Morris, Leo DiCaprio, N Sync, and the list goes on. Some of my friends were mature enough to find George Clooney and Tom Cruise appealing. But not me. When I was in 5th grade and we would have sleepovers, I would pretend that my boyfriend was Jim Carrey. I can't really explain the attraction. He's really funny and good-looking (?). Dumb and Dumber is still my all time favorite movie. There was just something about him. R didn't back me up on my love for Jim. But interestingly enough, she was attracted to Mike O'Malley from GUTS. Did ANYONE find Mike O'Malley attractive? I think she even watched whatever sitcom he was on recently because she STILL thought he was cute. Jim Carrey and Mike O'Malley made us wonder if our celebrity crushes had any deeper psychological value as to why we're perpetually single. But then we stopped thinking and went to a bar. Until ---

R had a sex dream about an unlikely man. Neil Patrick Harris, of How I Met Your Mother and Doogie Howser fame. It didn't seem that weird at first since we're fans of HIMYM. But this was a really dirty dream. And then about a week later, an article in People Magazine ran were Neil Patrick Harris declared that he was a "proud, gay man." Only the sex dreams didn't stop there. R has had multiple dreams about this man. And from I understand, the dreams are pretty good. The latest celebrity that I want to pillage me is Vampire Bill from True Blood. Damn he's sexy. I would totally let him bite me. So do any of you have sex dreams about celebrities who aren't exactly sex symbol status? Is this normal?


Where the F*ck is There?

So i was talking to a friend the other day who has extremely poor luck with men. Basically she is 23 years old, and has never kissed a boy. She isnt in some weird religion, or 300lbs and she doesnt have any deformities. She is the kind of girl that teenage boys would ignore when we were 14, but also would never make fun of. She's absolutely 100% normal. okay maybe not "normal" but there's nothing so repulsive about her to prevent a guy from being interested. So whats the problem?!?!?!
People say "you have to put yourself out there" But quite frankly, that is the most unhelpful fucking annoying advice. WHERE IS THERE? Where is this magical land of single people where are the wonderful men are lurking? I mean that bullshit logic goes right along with "it will happen when you least expect it!" The type of advice given by those friends who are serial monogomists. sigh. Anyone who says to put yourself out there is ALREADY IN A RELATIONSHIP. but you ask them how they did it, it never involves this mythical "there." The person who gives this advice probably started dating their husband at 16 and were married at 22. I can't exactly go back to high school to meet a guy. And what is with all the mixed messages. Put yourself out there seems to contradict it will happen when you least expect it. How am I supposed to go about living my life not expecting to meet someone but simultaneously be present "out there" to meet this person i am not expecting to meet. I should probably just say "fuck it" and stop talking about my lack of a relationship to my happiliy committed friends. They obviously have some quality that I do not yet possess. I have personally made peace with my singledom and am currently enjoying the adventure of being young and single. But my dear poor friend has hit a road block. And since i am not qualified to offer anyone tips on men.... i just offer her another glass of wine and hope that someday, she'll drink enough that she grabs the closest male and takes control.


phone sex?

A few months back I started talking to one of my college crushes. Since the blog is new, I'll have to start at the beginning. G was my first crush of college. We met the first day of freshman year and instantly became friends. We had four years of being really good friends with some sporadic hookups in there. Those stories will come later. But regardless, we have a history together. Now, G and I literally live across the country. When we reconnected, we hadn't spoken in over a year. Thanks to technology, I was able to send G a drunken text message and that's how all of this started.

At first it was great to catch up with an old friend. But then we started talking longer and more often. And eventually we came to the conclusion that we both had certain feelings for each other - the kind of feelings that involve sex. We had hooked up in college but we'd never had sex with each other. I don't know why - it just never came up. I like to err on the romantic side that deep down we knew we would be together eventually and didn't want to ruin that magically moment by drunken fucking in college. But really guys just want to get laid at any time and place and with any willing vagina.

So the these feelings combined with the distance created a problem. And since I'm in school and he's just starting out in his job (i.e. neither of us have money), plus we both have mega-commitment issues (this is a conundrum in and of itself) visiting each other at that point wasn't going to happen. Which leads to the phone sex. Now, i can get myself into sticky situations, but overall i'm a good girl. I had never had phone sex. I'm not even sure what phone sex really is. I really like this guy and I've had regular human contact sex, so could this be that different? but do good girls have phone sex? will he like me more or less? am i doing this for him or for me? or for us? Does having phone sex make me some kind of whore that he can call when he can't get laid by some random chick he picked up at a bar?

So to figure all of this out I had to go to my resources - my friends - who are about as fucked up as I am. But then... on second thought... I didn't want my friends to even know I was talking to G again. We were chastised for our effed up relationship in college - how bad would I get it if they knew I was having phone sex with him? So i did want any nerd would do. I scoured the internet for information on how to have phone sex. yes i'm one of those people. I even found a website with some key "dirty talk" phrases. It just seems so weird to be like "put that big cock inside me" when i would much rather him actually put his dick inside me instead of talking about it on the phone. I finally caved to the phone sex when I realized I could sit on the couch in my sweatpants and oversized tshirt and say cliched phrases while he jerked off... and he would never know I wasnt in a lace bra and a black thong.

but since this blog isn't about what to do - it's about what not to do - i'll share the embarrassing part. I was at a loss for words at some points during the first phone sex experience, and at some point "you rock my world" came out. And then I had to go back and make sure G realized that I was in fact referencing Michael Jackson. I'm pretty sure talking about MJ during sex is an easy way to make a hard dick go limp.



The Brit. part I

So first i should introduce myself. I'm R. and for the sake of everyone i know and love... im not going to use my name. My best friend M. and i decided to chronicle some of our past and present romance stories, and since everything we do ends in hilarious debauchery, we thought we'd make it public. That being said, im gonna jump right in with my latest boy of the moment who we will call "the brit." A good friend of mine let me know that he was having an out of town guest, and since he knows im always up for something fun, he invited me along to all their weekend plans. His friend was from London and wanted a solid "holiday" so basically we took him out for drinking, drinking, and some more drinking. Night 1/ bar 1: A "dodgy little pub" as he called it. Clearly there is some chemistry, some flirtation, I'm falling for his accent and his gentleman/english nature (in other words he bought all my drinks)Night 2/bar 2: I went out with my girls because it's Friday with a promise to meet up with my Brit later. My girls feed me full of shots and self esteem (which are basically the same thing) and remind me just how badly i need to get laid. -You see im not unattractive, and i do get offers... but im also ridiculously bad with men... so when a perfect oppurtunity presents itself, my friends want to make sure i take FULL advantage of it. The guy was British... did i mention his accent?!?!... he was cute and in town for only a week, and there was a certain level of safety there, him being the friend of a friend and all. (By safety i mean he wasnt going to kill me in my sleep)Night 2/bar2: We arrive at the bar where i am to meet the brit.. one quick stop at the bar for more shots and drink... i squeeze my way through the crowd and out to the Upstairs and Outdoor portion of the bar. Again i must mention that it was UPSTAIRS and OUTDOORS. From this point on the details get a little hazy... so i know what your thinking... she passed out, got sick, or something along those lines, but oh no. These aren't your typical "i botched up a shot at sex/love" stories! We are R and M... so that would be WAY to easy!Piecing together what i remember and what i have been told... the Brit and i were getting along PERFECTLY. There is flirting like you wouldnt believe and of course he is buying me more drinks. At some point the bar is ready to close, and he gives me his arm ready to lead me outside (and presumably to my bed) But as we get about 3 stairs down. I fall. Not oops i slipped and landed on my ass fall. But TUMBLE DOWN THE FUCKING STAIRS HEADFIRST fall, pulling the brit on top of me taking us both down together until we end up in a slump at the bottom of the bar, covered in shit at the feet of a bouncer. I stood up only to realize my face is covered in blood that appears to be coming from my nose. No shit. My dress is now half way down my body, exposing my lovely strapless bra, and i have a deliciously filthy mixture of dirt, shit, and blood covering my face. As if that's not enough, my nose blood was on the Brit. How's that for seductive?
Obviously my friends do their best at cleaning me up. The bouncer wants to call a fucking ambulance and its being decided if i need a trip to the ER. Im serious. this isnt one of those bar falls where people who dont know you laugh and make fun of you. This is one where people yell OH FUCK! and LETS GET OUT OF HERE!... yeah im that good. One of my girls takes me home, after deciding i should probably be ok, but also decides its a good idea to sleep on my couch to make sure i dont DIE ALONE IN MY SLEEP. I wake up the next morning.. stumble to the bathroom and then see my face. I am caked in dried blood my nose is swollen there are scrapes down my face, and mascara that has migrated as far down as my boobs. And it comes screechingly, wailingly, speeding back to me. Oh and did i mention i hurt. I think a combination of hangover of the century with the fact that my body had a tragic accident made me feel like i had been run over by 6 busses, and then pissed on by a stray dog. I probably smelled like that too. I made the appropriate phone calls including one to my parents who live in another city, apologizing and explaining that i had little fall. (and by little i mean catastrophic)So after i started coughing up blood, i made the necessary emergency saturday doctors visit. The ENT even said that i was probably just bruised and sore from the fall since I didn't have the typical racoon eyes accociated with a broken nose. He did an x-ray just to be sure and I hoped that for once I would be like everyone else and come out with a slightly embarrassing story but no real damage. But this is my life, not someone else's, which means I broke quite possibly the most noticible bone in the body. I broke my nose and and with it, my pride. He had to reset it and everything.. which meant, i had to wear a nose cast for a WEEK. A NOSE CAST. in case you missed that, A NOSE CAST! A piece of plastic across my nose stuck on by medical tape. FOR A WEEK. that means, class, work, social events... all to be attended while wearing a nose cast. Which if you want a visual and i know you do... looked a lot like that picture up in the corner....

(thats not actually me.. i just google imaged it!) Humilation. Fuck my nose! what about my pride! I think the shame hurt worse than the fall. Instead of banging a hot British guy, I got a nose cast.
Dont worry.. that isnt the last you will hear of him... or the last time i saw the brit... in fact, we hung out a day later while i had on the nose cast. And he took a picture of it which he posted online on his profile. Yeah. THATS how you get a man ladies! But seriously, im still talking to the Brit... (and he is still talking about my fall) but more on that later this is already too long and i have things to do.

Never Date a Man Who....

Just to get the blog started out right... One of our favorite games to play is "Never Date a Man Who..." As twentysomething single women, we are often left wondering why we aren't in a relationship. And then a 45 year old man asks you to drive to Michigan with him and tells you he'll pay for all of your alcohol. When we meet these men that make us revel in our singledom, we add his quality to our list. The list will be updated many times but here are a few gems.

1. Never date a man who... streetraces.
2. Never date a man who... wears black denim.
3. Never date a man who... spends more time on his hair than me.

Reasons we are still single.

There will be so many times were we question why we are single... but then i come across messages we have sent each other, and it gets a little clearer. So to start things off... here is reason number one.

1. maybe i also have female sexual arousal disorder - which used to called frigidity... frigid?? maybe that's because 95% of men suck and don't know what they're doing

Basically this blog is the stuff you talk about only with your best friend... my best friend and i just decided to make it public.... because we really are that ridiculous and some of our stories need to be heard.
Stories, quotes and other topics of interest will be discussed as we see fit.