The Bouncer

So many times i have tried to make friends with bouncers. Often times they are hot... but more than that, it is sooo convenient! If it is a bar i frequent, having a bouncer friend is money! You can cut lines, skip out on covers and you have the perfect assistance for creepy men who wont leave you alone. All in all, its an ideal situation. But sometimes, its just not worth it. One such time, i was at one of our favorite bars with M and a bunch of our favorite guy friends. I was walking to the bathroom when i got pulled aside buy one of the bouncers. To give you a solid mental picture, this guy was AT LEAST 400 lbs. He was also bald, but i really cannot emphasize how overwhelming massive this man was. It amazed me that he was mobile. (and im not trying to be cruel... i really sympathize with weight issues!)
So the bouncer pulls me aside, and i wasnt sure what to expect. He then tells me he likes my toes (i had painted them earlier in the day.) He also details an elaborate story about how he works at a pedicure place and he needs before and after pictures. AND if i bring him a picture of my feet, he can let me in the bar for free. Now i am all about getting in places for free.... but this one was too much. I mean... im a naive person, but when a man wants a picture of your feet... that cant be good. right!?!?!?! So i smile and politely thank him and walk back over to my friends. My boys thought it was funny i had been talking to him and wanted to know is he was hitting on me or asked for my number... i could only say "oh it was so much more than that!"
In the end though... i decided my dignity was worth more than the $5 cover.... and i avoided that bar for a while.

1 comment:

ladebelle said...

LOL!!! that is funny... i've gotten weird requests from bouncers but this by far is the most off the wall...

i agree that making friends with the bouncers is a smart technique... even better is the bartenders...nothing like getting lit on someone else's tab!!!

and what is it about bouncers having bald heads? do they all go to bouncer school where a bald head is a pre-requisite for entry and exit? (sigh) the things people do...

funny post!