The Brit. part I

So first i should introduce myself. I'm R. and for the sake of everyone i know and love... im not going to use my name. My best friend M. and i decided to chronicle some of our past and present romance stories, and since everything we do ends in hilarious debauchery, we thought we'd make it public. That being said, im gonna jump right in with my latest boy of the moment who we will call "the brit." A good friend of mine let me know that he was having an out of town guest, and since he knows im always up for something fun, he invited me along to all their weekend plans. His friend was from London and wanted a solid "holiday" so basically we took him out for drinking, drinking, and some more drinking. Night 1/ bar 1: A "dodgy little pub" as he called it. Clearly there is some chemistry, some flirtation, I'm falling for his accent and his gentleman/english nature (in other words he bought all my drinks)Night 2/bar 2: I went out with my girls because it's Friday with a promise to meet up with my Brit later. My girls feed me full of shots and self esteem (which are basically the same thing) and remind me just how badly i need to get laid. -You see im not unattractive, and i do get offers... but im also ridiculously bad with men... so when a perfect oppurtunity presents itself, my friends want to make sure i take FULL advantage of it. The guy was British... did i mention his accent?!?!... he was cute and in town for only a week, and there was a certain level of safety there, him being the friend of a friend and all. (By safety i mean he wasnt going to kill me in my sleep)Night 2/bar2: We arrive at the bar where i am to meet the brit.. one quick stop at the bar for more shots and drink... i squeeze my way through the crowd and out to the Upstairs and Outdoor portion of the bar. Again i must mention that it was UPSTAIRS and OUTDOORS. From this point on the details get a little hazy... so i know what your thinking... she passed out, got sick, or something along those lines, but oh no. These aren't your typical "i botched up a shot at sex/love" stories! We are R and M... so that would be WAY to easy!Piecing together what i remember and what i have been told... the Brit and i were getting along PERFECTLY. There is flirting like you wouldnt believe and of course he is buying me more drinks. At some point the bar is ready to close, and he gives me his arm ready to lead me outside (and presumably to my bed) But as we get about 3 stairs down. I fall. Not oops i slipped and landed on my ass fall. But TUMBLE DOWN THE FUCKING STAIRS HEADFIRST fall, pulling the brit on top of me taking us both down together until we end up in a slump at the bottom of the bar, covered in shit at the feet of a bouncer. I stood up only to realize my face is covered in blood that appears to be coming from my nose. No shit. My dress is now half way down my body, exposing my lovely strapless bra, and i have a deliciously filthy mixture of dirt, shit, and blood covering my face. As if that's not enough, my nose blood was on the Brit. How's that for seductive?
Obviously my friends do their best at cleaning me up. The bouncer wants to call a fucking ambulance and its being decided if i need a trip to the ER. Im serious. this isnt one of those bar falls where people who dont know you laugh and make fun of you. This is one where people yell OH FUCK! and LETS GET OUT OF HERE!... yeah im that good. One of my girls takes me home, after deciding i should probably be ok, but also decides its a good idea to sleep on my couch to make sure i dont DIE ALONE IN MY SLEEP. I wake up the next morning.. stumble to the bathroom and then see my face. I am caked in dried blood my nose is swollen there are scrapes down my face, and mascara that has migrated as far down as my boobs. And it comes screechingly, wailingly, speeding back to me. Oh and did i mention i hurt. I think a combination of hangover of the century with the fact that my body had a tragic accident made me feel like i had been run over by 6 busses, and then pissed on by a stray dog. I probably smelled like that too. I made the appropriate phone calls including one to my parents who live in another city, apologizing and explaining that i had little fall. (and by little i mean catastrophic)So after i started coughing up blood, i made the necessary emergency saturday doctors visit. The ENT even said that i was probably just bruised and sore from the fall since I didn't have the typical racoon eyes accociated with a broken nose. He did an x-ray just to be sure and I hoped that for once I would be like everyone else and come out with a slightly embarrassing story but no real damage. But this is my life, not someone else's, which means I broke quite possibly the most noticible bone in the body. I broke my nose and and with it, my pride. He had to reset it and everything.. which meant, i had to wear a nose cast for a WEEK. A NOSE CAST. in case you missed that, A NOSE CAST! A piece of plastic across my nose stuck on by medical tape. FOR A WEEK. that means, class, work, social events... all to be attended while wearing a nose cast. Which if you want a visual and i know you do... looked a lot like that picture up in the corner....

(thats not actually me.. i just google imaged it!) Humilation. Fuck my nose! what about my pride! I think the shame hurt worse than the fall. Instead of banging a hot British guy, I got a nose cast.
Dont worry.. that isnt the last you will hear of him... or the last time i saw the brit... in fact, we hung out a day later while i had on the nose cast. And he took a picture of it which he posted online on his profile. Yeah. THATS how you get a man ladies! But seriously, im still talking to the Brit... (and he is still talking about my fall) but more on that later this is already too long and i have things to do.

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