weddings are not good for single people

maybe it's because i'm single and bitter instead single and happy for people who have found love, but i haven't had the best time at weddings in my young adult life. a little while back my archnemesis got married. we had been frenemies since age 3. we went to the same school, church, did the same activities. she even broke my nose during gymnastics class. she competed with me for everything and was voted "most likely to succeed" in our high school who's who. after graduating high school and moving on with our lives, i didn't think her wedding would be such a big deal. i mean, she ended up graduating from our state school with a teaching degree and i had to settle for my ivy league education. who's most likely to succeed now bitch? but there's something about love and marriage that every woman wants, no matter how independent she claimes to be.

since i'm in professional school and swamped with work every night, there wasn't exactly a guy i could ask to be my date. it would require a weekend at home with my parents and dealing with old high school scars that were resurfacing. that is not a situation you want to place a guy you're casually talking to in. to compensate for going alone to the wedding, i maxed out my credit card on a new dress and shoes. i also spent 2 hours getting ready for the wedding. i was determined to prove to everyone there that just because she was getting married, she did not "win" or "beat me." i was a successful, hot woman who didn't need a man to make her life complete. even though i really wanted one. that was just between me and my jimmy choos.

so during the reception i did what any self-respecting singleton does. i made my life sound amazingly fun and exciting. I was on top of the world. There were guys of course, but noone special enough to tie me down. (the truth was more that the last date i had been on was 3 months earlier and i'm pretty sure i scared the guy off) i also had a few too many glasses of wine. So wine + self-pity + alone = calling an ex-boyfriend. If there was anything I could take back in my life, it would probably be this. I called an ex-lover of mine because he was a guaranteed hook-up and it would make me feel better about myself that someone was still attracted to me. only it didnt make me feel better about myself. no i didn't come to any existential realizations about how i'm the only one in control of my feelings and emotions. i hooked up with him and THEN he told me he had a girlfriend. i was drunk so i kinda brushed it off, but then he pointed out that she was "the one." i felt like shit. he was intending on marrying this girl and didn't have a problem cheating on her. i didn't do anything wrong intentionally. am i supposed to facebook stalk everyone i drunk-dial to check their relationship status? but the moral of the story is the same. most men suck and it's worth waiting around for a good one. they're hard to find. oh and don't get drunk at weddings when you're especially vulnerable.

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