You CANNOT out-awkward me: The tale of Bugeyes

So i am super lucky that my girl M. has been on top of of the blog. Life has been lame and crazy... but so i figure its time to write a really good story. It all started when i was casually dating this guy JR in college. He was tall and a red head... which is kind of relevant to the story. So he and i were out a bar one night with some friends when JR introduced me to an older friend of his. I no longer remember his name, but for certain unknown reasons, we started calling him "Bugeyes" (he maybe had slightly buggy eyes... but i honestly dont even think they were that bad). So Bugeyes was also a red head, and because he was a few years older, He was JR's fake ID! In other words, JR used one of bugeyes old ID's to get into bars. So bugeyes is real cool. He is funny and entertaining... but not particularly good looking. Fast forward a few weeks, (JR and i were no longer together) and my girl M and i are out for the evening. We were waiting in a ridiculously long line at this club, which neither of us actually liked, but it was the "hot" thursday night place, so we felt obligated. Well at some point we get the genius idea to go to OUR favorite bar (that is neither "cool" or "hot" on thursday nights.) We also decided to round up anyone who was close to us in line and convince them that the NEW hot spot was OUR bar.
You wouldnt think that would work.... but one cab ride later we arrive at best bar in town, and to our surpirse, not one, but FOUR men we had chatted with in the club line came!! So we are pretty impressed with ourselves and chatting up these men... then there was some danicng and flirting. At some point.... not sure when... these men became creepy. SUPER creepy. Trying to put there hands up our skirts, saying weird shit.... creepy. So we start looking for a way to ditch these losers, without having to leave the bar. (cause who wants to leave the bar early!)
So i spot bugeyes. And i think... he is cool.. i kind of know him... i will use him as my out! So we run up to him and his friend (who is actually super hot) and i re-introduce myself. I explained our current predicament, and he steps up to the plate, chatting and dancing with us until the losers get the picture and give up their quest to bang us. This is all going extremely well. M and the friend (whose last name was LOVE) are hitting it off.... and the friend is super hot! And i genuinely like bugeyes company... so when bugeyes suggests we walk to his apartment to... um... (smoke?!) M and i think this is an AWESOME idea. We get to the apartment and everything is going great... until i somehow get convinced to go to bugeyes bedroom.... (the details of this are quite fuzzy... but i had NO intention of doing anything!!!) So bugeyes starts trying to make out with me and is stabbing his pointy nasty little tongue in my mouth! I did not sign up for that!!! So i try to politely explain that i am NOT going to have sex with him..... and this is his response..
"What did you think we were going to do?! Fucking cuddle?!?!"
I was shocked. I mean usually guys arent happy with that situation, but generally they are polite! So in my stunned state, all i can mutter... was "i think i should go...." And his ever so gentlemanly reply "Yeah i fucking think so"
So i run out into the living room. signal wildly at M that we MUST leave. (and she was making out with hot LOVE on the couch!) And run out the door. At this point, M gathers up her things, and trys to digest what has happened... as as she steps out the door... bugeyes slams it in her fucking face!!!!
What an asshole!!! So now we are standing in the freezing rain in an apartment complex at 4 am and i have to search my phone for someone to give us a ride... so lame...
But it doesnt end there... because he is friends with JR he tries to spread rumors about me and what happened that night... i never did get the full story... but come on! Fast forward another couple weeks and M and i are out at another bar sitting and having a casual beer. We spot bugeyes from across the room and the shit head has the nerve to come talk to us! He approaches and asks whats up... to which i reply "so are you going to buy me a beer? i think you owe me one" and he responds "fuck no. I just wanted to come over and try to make it awkward."
M and I just laughed and i replied.... "oh please..... no one can out awkward us" and he frowned and turned away.
Thats what i thought bitch!
-R.